Off late I have been wondering what has so gone wrong with me that I have become so cranky, agitated; usually I am a very patient person… is it the age… the stress around… peer pressure.. a turmoil within… the question was un-answered..
As the technical term goes I had to do a “Root Cause Analysis” and “Inspection Meeting” to find out the reason behind the anxiety. The metrics were shocking… Expectations from others scored the highest; being over emotional and too many processes overusing the patience quota had a tie at the second spot… As one of the so called friends pointed it out to me one day;“ You are the senti and the mental types….“ ; Yes I am… that’s my basic nature.. Now do I change that also.. Unfortunately, the answer to this was yes… to a certain extent… Why was I expecting too much from everyone around… to be truthful from the people I considered close… but alas! I forgot no one is bound to do anything for me… If they were doing something out of their way, it was their kindness… If they did not do something … I am not supposed to feel bad about it and get upset or get angry at them… Why was I judging every situation based on the fact that how I would have reacted to that… Every human is unique… Probably subconsciously I was trying to re-create scenarios from the past… too bad…
One of my friends always tells me “A person who tries to make everyone happy is the saddest person himself”… so true… Another tells …”I overthink and have too many procedure calls…” Recently I saw a television series in which the protagonist is compelled to turn off her emotions… and she becomes all cheerful and vivacious… was this the solution… why not give it a try… some unexplainable feeling dawned upon…Was it really the time to slowly turn it off… If people are making fun… wow I should say… I made someone’s day !!! I was surprised by myself… I had become witty, quick, to a certain extent snappy… people seemed taken aback, probably I am more fun now… no emotional baggage… no strings attached… no more the cry baby… No expectations from anyone… coz that’s what hurts the most… the worst being when people around don’t even realize it… I know I am fighting it out well… but then … somewhere within I know… “Half of my heart has got a grip on the situation, half of my heart takes time….!!!!”
As the technical term goes I had to do a “Root Cause Analysis” and “Inspection Meeting” to find out the reason behind the anxiety. The metrics were shocking… Expectations from others scored the highest; being over emotional and too many processes overusing the patience quota had a tie at the second spot… As one of the so called friends pointed it out to me one day;“ You are the senti and the mental types….“ ; Yes I am… that’s my basic nature.. Now do I change that also.. Unfortunately, the answer to this was yes… to a certain extent… Why was I expecting too much from everyone around… to be truthful from the people I considered close… but alas! I forgot no one is bound to do anything for me… If they were doing something out of their way, it was their kindness… If they did not do something … I am not supposed to feel bad about it and get upset or get angry at them… Why was I judging every situation based on the fact that how I would have reacted to that… Every human is unique… Probably subconsciously I was trying to re-create scenarios from the past… too bad…
One of my friends always tells me “A person who tries to make everyone happy is the saddest person himself”… so true… Another tells …”I overthink and have too many procedure calls…” Recently I saw a television series in which the protagonist is compelled to turn off her emotions… and she becomes all cheerful and vivacious… was this the solution… why not give it a try… some unexplainable feeling dawned upon…Was it really the time to slowly turn it off… If people are making fun… wow I should say… I made someone’s day !!! I was surprised by myself… I had become witty, quick, to a certain extent snappy… people seemed taken aback, probably I am more fun now… no emotional baggage… no strings attached… no more the cry baby… No expectations from anyone… coz that’s what hurts the most… the worst being when people around don’t even realize it… I know I am fighting it out well… but then … somewhere within I know… “Half of my heart has got a grip on the situation, half of my heart takes time….!!!!”
